Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Takin' What They Givin' Cause I'm Gruntin' 4 a Livin'

Good ole Gary. 'Course most of us around here know Gary as 'Worm Hunter Extraordinaire.' This seasoned Worm Grunter has been at it for close to 50 years with WormCo - he joined our team right after the Great Depression of 1960. Yes, we know most folks equate THE Great Depression to the crash of '29, but for us in the Worming Industry 1959 - 1961 were about as bad as it gets.

You see, different embargoes around Cuba had led to an increased military presence in the Southeastern United States, particularly Florida in the late 1950s. With all of this increased presence, our Worm Farming and Cultivation programs in worm-rich Florida had fallen upon tough times. WormCo, although we were suffering, understood that covert US operations in the area would have to take precedence over the 'pot o gold' of worms that live in the Florida soil. Heck, the now de-classified 'WITH CHEESE' operation which involved covert operations between top WormCo field operatives and the CIA is widely regarded as one of the top collaborations between a government agency and the private sector in US history.

WITH CHEESE - what was that you ask? Worms In The Heart, Commies Have Exited Each Sector Everywhere. That's right kids, without WormCo Nana wouldn't be living in that cozy retirement village near the Apalachicola Forest - but cleaning streets and speaking Ruskie.

Even after working closely with the government to keep out the commies, WormCo was in shambles financially after the Bay of Pigs incident had come and gone in 1961. Enter Gary - emerging from Tate's Hell like the Phoenix from the ashes. In his job interview, Gary told us 'If I'm a gruntin', them worms they a comin.' We sent our WormCo Research and Development team to check out Gary's claims - and sure enough - Gary was grunting worms out by the truckload.

And here we are, 50 years later - and Gary is finally getting his due as the best Worm Grunter in the United States. He had the title of best Worm Grunter in the world until he was upset by Vladmir Porokov in 2008 Worm Grunting Championships. There have been allegations of Porokov Worm Doping by the IWGC (International Worm Grunting Coalition) - but for now Gary will be waiting to reclaim that title in 2009.

Enjoy our video press release of Gary grunting gregariously and gracefully.


No comments: