Friday, October 24, 2008

BigWorm/DaddyWorm Campaign Stop Featuring SIXTH DISTRICT!!!

Hello fellow Worm Liberation Organization and Worm Liberation Party supporters. We'd just like to let all of you know how excited we are to have the mega popular SIXTH DISTRICT headlining our campaign stop tomorrow in Raleigh, North Carolina.

Since their breakout dance hit "Flip the Beach House Lawnmower" in 1997 Sixth District has been one of the most prolific electro/pop/death metal hybrid boy bands out there. They've been outspoken supporters of WormCo and the WLO/WLP for a long time and we're just grateful that they've decided to headline for the BigWorm/DaddyWorm World Domination campaign. It's even rumored that their song "Red on the Head, Skateboard Shred" was loosely based on their experiences with DaddyWorm in the early 90s prior to the formation of Sixth District.

Who knows, maybe Big Worm or Daddy Worm might even hop up to lay down some funky rhymes to inspire all of you to "Worm the Vote". And don't forget to dig your dirt tonight so that you get your free "BigWorm/DaddyWorm - Sixth District - UP IN YO MAMMA'S FACE!" signature t-shirt. We feel this campaign slogan will speak not only to our supporters, but also their loving mothers.

As agreed with Sixth District, we'd like to also allow them to promote their 6th studio album coming out on November 4th, titled "Sixth on 6th, Terrorizing Microphones/Exploding Panties" They'll be playing the first single from "Sixth on 6th" at our rally tomorrow - "Don't Swallow the Worm - Vote and/or Die" dedicated to BigWorm/DaddyWorm's historic run to the White House.

And don't forget to Vote and/or Die!

Up From the Underground!!

Sunday, August 03, 2008

NObama. McCain't. WormCoPositronation.

Washington. Nevada. Arkansas. Maryland. Are they red states? No. Are they blue states? No. Green states all. GREEN STATES. The BigWorm/DaddyWorm ticket is picking up steam and you can be part of the WormCo revolution.

Ladies and Gentlemen....... can you feel it? The WormCo movement is growing. Put your ear to the tracks. Put your finger on the pulse. Remember the sizzle of Ryan's Steakhouse and Ryan's delicious soft serve desert bar? This is much more than that. But you have to go all in. You have to plop down that $6.99 of your soul to Jimmy the sweaty and mildly challenged young man in order to join the movement. That's the price my worm loving friends. But give in. Give yourself to total wormination and understand that WormCo = Unstoppable.

Are you hungry yet? Damn strait. WormCo is ready. Are you?

It is time. Time for Worm. Worm is good. Worm is ready, are you? Don't stop. Believin'. Ohhh whoa whaooooooooo....

No promises. No retreat. No surrender.

Soon. All we can say here at WormCo is soon. And right. And righteous. And soon-teous-right-ness. Come November you'll have a choice. And the choice will be and always shall remain.... WormCo.

Don't give up. Don't ever, ever... EVER give up.


Shirts for all '08.


Monday, July 21, 2008

Our Time is NOW! WormCo '08!!!

After several months of prodding by our shareholders, customers, employees, and yes - our fans - we have decided to enter this year's presidential race. Our platform will be on the newly formed Worm Liberation Party in conjunction with the WLO (Worm Liberation Organization.)

We here at WormCo realize that people and worms everywhere live their lives constrained to things like work, paying bills, and responsibility - and our campaign will be around liberating you from all of those day to day chores. How will we do it? WE DON'T KNOW! But the beauty of being a politician is you can make all the grandiose promises you want and follow up on few to none of them.

We'd like to thank the folks at Channel 3 news for getting the word out so quickly around our historic run for the presidency. It's been a long, hard road to this point and the going is only going to get tougher - but we'll be digging in the dirt to put a shirt on every red-blooded American!!!

Tuesday, July 01, 2008

Do you love poop? Well, you should.

Honestly, what have you done with your poop lately? Well, some resourceful kids in Aurora, Illinois (with a generous worm donation from WormCo, of course) are turning worm poop into sustainable renewable energy!!! Exxon will tremble, Shell will shudder, and OPEC will shrink in the unstoppable energy reserves we are building with WormCo technology.

As you can see from this article, our operative Ellie Colon is helping to farm tens of thousands of worms to sprinkle their unstoppable poop onto sugar beets to produce Ethanol. Sound complicated... well - it IS!! But with operatives such as Ms. Colon in place, we don't have to think - we just let the worms pinch one off and wait for the profits to roll in!! And come one... would a real person working on a poop project have the last name Colon? This is our little nod so all of you WormCo fans would know that she's actually working for us. Her actual name is Perth Wormington, VP of R&D at WormCo. Soon enough we'll be pumping out millions of gallons of Ethanol and laughing in the face of $4 gas.

We've actually proposed moving away from the unit of gallon for Worm-powered fuel and moving to the poop scale. Every liter of Ethanol will consist of 12 Cubic Turds. So in the near future, it won't be "I'll take 20 gallons Chet.....", it'll be "Hook me up with 278 Cubic Turds on the hurry Jed!!"

You may have heard, from time to time, the colloquialism "You think your poop don't stink." Well, we'd like to get folks thinkin' less about the stinkin' and more about all of the fantastic sustainable renewable energy floating up off that turd. And here at WormCo, we never EVER take a dump - we always give it!


Wednesday, May 21, 2008

The Worm is Back in Action!

One of our most esteemed alumni, THE Worm has decided to take a step back into the limelight. Dennis Rodman will be starring in what can only be prognosticated to be a surefire hit, The Minis. This charming film is a mix of sports nostalgia, drama, comedy - and perhaps..... love? This groundbreaking film is certain, in our humble opinion, to be a surefire Oscar contender come early next year.

The plot vehicle behind The Minis that will no doubt stretch The Worm's abilities as an thespian and a master athlete, involves him as a coach of a basketball team comprised solely of midgets. Now, we've only seen previews here at WormCo, but we're pretty sure if you throw in monkeys to this film and it might be the highest grossing film of the year. If you make the monkeys be the cheerleaders for this basketball team - perhaps calling them the Mighty Mini Monkeys? We're talking highest grossing film this decade. Finally, and we're not suggesting any changes to this cinematic masterpiece, but if the monkeys just happen to be moonlighting as monkey jockeys at the dog track...... this could be the highest grossing film of all time.

It's always nice to see The Worm doing something not only for the arts, but also for the community. Midget basketball and monkey jockeys have been highly under appreciated for far too long and it's about time Hollywood stepped up to the plate.

Up From the Underground!!

Tuesday, February 05, 2008

New WormCo Partner Marketing Agreement Reached with Gatorade

In furthering our WormCo resurrection initiative, we have partnered with Gatorade for their innovative SuperBowl XLII commercial. The feedback on this ad has people saying things like "this must be some kind of inside joke." Well loyal WormCo followers, the joke is on the over 95 million viewers who just got served up with a healthy helping of subliminal advertising from WormCo.

Check out our signature "WormCo Sound" at the 29 second mark of the ad posted above! Luckily for us, Gatorade footed the $3.2 Million for the ad space. WormCo's commitment in the co-marketing agreement was to keep employees in our heartworm division from visiting Rocky (the star of the commercial) for the remainder of his life. A win-win for everyone involved!

Up from the underground!!!

Monday, January 21, 2008

On The Recruitment Trail

Woof woof
Worm Co.
Woof woof
Need a shirt?
Dig some dirt!
Woof WOOF!

A WormCo resurrection is coming.... are you ready?