Monday, November 27, 2006

Our Condolences to Kid Rock

WormCo would like to extend our deepest condolences to one of our most famous ex-employees, Kid Rock. It seems that Kid is being divorced by his wife, Pamela Anderson.

Most pop-culturalists will tell you that Kid Rock got his name from his rock-n-roll lifestyle, but those of us close to Kid know that his name goes much deeper than that. Kid Rock was in fact just a kid that turned over rocks for us here at WormCo - and was the youngest employee ever promoted to Head Digger at our Detroit branch.

Unfortunately we had to let Kid go in 1987 after he was caught peddling illegal Colombian "white pony" Worms outside of a Detroit nightclub. If there is one thing we don't tolerate at WormCo, it is the sale or purchase of any wormcotics by our employees. Kid was able to bounce back, however - and his mix of rock and rap was able to nearly replace his income that he made working for WormCo.

You won't hear this on other sites regarding Kid, but he called one of our Worm Relations staff last night and spilled the worms on what actually is causing the divorce. Kid Rock had a pet worm that he kept out in the shed behind the couple's Malibu home. When Anderson discovered that Kid had named the 24" Giant Palouse Earthworm Tommy Lee, she ran out of the house screaming something to the effect of "Tommy Lee, I love you lover!!!" This clearly had something to do with Anderson's first marriage to drummer Tommy Lee of Motley Crue - but we here at WormCo aren't exactly sure what to make of the incident.

One thing is sure - if you decide to compare your worm to your wife's ex-husband, you'd better make darn sure that your worm measures up.

Good luck, Kid Rock - here's to hoping life's mother-worm-load is under the next rock you turn.

Friday, November 17, 2006

A time to give thanks...... for worms

Greetings to all in the WormCo family. This time of year, when most are looking forward to that succulent, 7% "I'm not sure what that solution is" turkey - those of us at WormCo are thankful to have so many wonderful employees, customers, and wormholders. That's why we've chosen to announce that each employee of WormCo will receive a complimentary "WormGiving" bonus of 40 mealworms. That's right! Mealworms!

As most of you will recall, WormCo launched the "Meal time? Worms? Eat Mealworms!" campaign in the mid 60s and now we are looking to bring mealworms back into the limelight. Mealworms offer 63% more protein and 4% of the calories of turkey - so why not just toss that ole dirty bird aside and eat your 40 mealworms on Thanksgiving day?

We understand it may be a break from tradition, but what would have happened if the Indians had never left their tents to join the Pilgrims for a bite? What would have happened if that 70s club owner in New York had never pasted 682 mirrors on a ball? What would have happened if Chuck Norris had chosen not to that worming demo at March AFB in California?

This WormGiving, as we say here at WormCo - enjoy your friends. Enjoy your families. Heck, even enjoy your 24 oz can of Steel Reserve. But most of all, my fellow wormtreprenuers, enjoy your worms.

Thursday, November 02, 2006

WormCo Recall Update

We have recovered some footage of some of the victims of tainted batch 1028, and unfortunately the results are not pretty. A resident of the town of Volga, NM sent in the clip linked in the picture to the right.

Unfortunately after the FTK Syndrome phase wears off, the affected persons turn into zombies and dance in unison. As you can see from this article zombies are the last thing we want to promote here at WormCo. This is a complete embarrassment and we sincerely apologize to the residents of Volga for this incident.

On a brighter note, part of North Korea's nuclear talks with the UN include detonating their nuclear weapons over Volga to eradicate the effects of batch 1028 and the subsequent zombie outbreak. Our lobbyists at the UN are really earning their worms this week!

We feel with these developments that not only will Batch 1028 be fully contained, but WormCo is doing their part to promote global harmony - not only above ground, but under as well.