Monday, July 21, 2008

Our Time is NOW! WormCo '08!!!

After several months of prodding by our shareholders, customers, employees, and yes - our fans - we have decided to enter this year's presidential race. Our platform will be on the newly formed Worm Liberation Party in conjunction with the WLO (Worm Liberation Organization.)

We here at WormCo realize that people and worms everywhere live their lives constrained to things like work, paying bills, and responsibility - and our campaign will be around liberating you from all of those day to day chores. How will we do it? WE DON'T KNOW! But the beauty of being a politician is you can make all the grandiose promises you want and follow up on few to none of them.

We'd like to thank the folks at Channel 3 news for getting the word out so quickly around our historic run for the presidency. It's been a long, hard road to this point and the going is only going to get tougher - but we'll be digging in the dirt to put a shirt on every red-blooded American!!!

Tuesday, July 01, 2008

Do you love poop? Well, you should.

Honestly, what have you done with your poop lately? Well, some resourceful kids in Aurora, Illinois (with a generous worm donation from WormCo, of course) are turning worm poop into sustainable renewable energy!!! Exxon will tremble, Shell will shudder, and OPEC will shrink in the unstoppable energy reserves we are building with WormCo technology.

As you can see from this article, our operative Ellie Colon is helping to farm tens of thousands of worms to sprinkle their unstoppable poop onto sugar beets to produce Ethanol. Sound complicated... well - it IS!! But with operatives such as Ms. Colon in place, we don't have to think - we just let the worms pinch one off and wait for the profits to roll in!! And come one... would a real person working on a poop project have the last name Colon? This is our little nod so all of you WormCo fans would know that she's actually working for us. Her actual name is Perth Wormington, VP of R&D at WormCo. Soon enough we'll be pumping out millions of gallons of Ethanol and laughing in the face of $4 gas.

We've actually proposed moving away from the unit of gallon for Worm-powered fuel and moving to the poop scale. Every liter of Ethanol will consist of 12 Cubic Turds. So in the near future, it won't be "I'll take 20 gallons Chet.....", it'll be "Hook me up with 278 Cubic Turds on the hurry Jed!!"

You may have heard, from time to time, the colloquialism "You think your poop don't stink." Well, we'd like to get folks thinkin' less about the stinkin' and more about all of the fantastic sustainable renewable energy floating up off that turd. And here at WormCo, we never EVER take a dump - we always give it!