Our Condolences to Kid Rock

WormCo would like to extend our deepest condolences to one of our most famous ex-employees, Kid Rock. It seems that Kid is being divorced by his wife, Pamela Anderson.

Most pop-culturalists will tell you that Kid Rock got his name from his rock-n-roll lifestyle, but those of us close to Kid know that his name goes much deeper than that. Kid Rock was in fact just a kid that turned over rocks for us here at WormCo - and was the youngest employee ever promoted to Head Digger at our Detroit branch.

Unfortunately we had to let Kid go in 1987 after he was caught peddling illegal Colombian "white pony" Worms outside of a Detroit nightclub. If there is one thing we don't tolerate at WormCo, it is the sale or purchase of any wormcotics by our employees. Kid was able to bounce back, however - and his mix of rock and rap was able to nearly replace his income that he made working for WormCo.

You won't hear this on other sites regarding Kid, but he called one of our Worm Relations staff last night and spilled the worms on what actually is causing the divorce. Kid Rock had a pet worm that he kept out in the shed behind the couple's Malibu home. When Anderson discovered that Kid had named the 24" Giant Palouse Earthworm Tommy Lee, she ran out of the house screaming something to the effect of "Tommy Lee, I love you lover!!!" This clearly had something to do with Anderson's first marriage to drummer Tommy Lee of Motley Crue - but we here at WormCo aren't exactly sure what to make of the incident.

One thing is sure - if you decide to compare your worm to your wife's ex-husband, you'd better make darn sure that your worm measures up.

Good luck, Kid Rock - here's to hoping life's mother-worm-load is under the next rock you turn.

A time to give thanks...... for worms

Greetings to all in the WormCo family. This time of year, when most are looking forward to that succulent, 7% "I'm not sure what that solution is" turkey - those of us at WormCo are thankful to have so many wonderful employees, customers, and wormholders. That's why we've chosen to announce that each employee of WormCo will receive a complimentary "WormGiving" bonus of 40 mealworms. That's right! Mealworms!

As most of you will recall, WormCo launched the "Meal time? Worms? Eat Mealworms!" campaign in the mid 60s and now we are looking to bring mealworms back into the limelight. Mealworms offer 63% more protein and 4% of the calories of turkey - so why not just toss that ole dirty bird aside and eat your 40 mealworms on Thanksgiving day?

We understand it may be a break from tradition, but what would have happened if the Indians had never left their tents to join the Pilgrims for a bite? What would have happened if that 70s club owner in New York had never pasted 682 mirrors on a ball? What would have happened if Chuck Norris had chosen not to that worming demo at March AFB in California?

This WormGiving, as we say here at WormCo - enjoy your friends. Enjoy your families. Heck, even enjoy your 24 oz can of Steel Reserve. But most of all, my fellow wormtreprenuers, enjoy your worms.

WormCo Recall Update

We have recovered some footage of some of the victims of tainted batch 1028, and unfortunately the results are not pretty. A resident of the town of Volga, NM sent in the clip linked in the picture to the right.

Unfortunately after the FTK Syndrome phase wears off, the affected persons turn into zombies and dance in unison. As you can see from this article zombies are the last thing we want to promote here at WormCo. This is a complete embarrassment and we sincerely apologize to the residents of Volga for this incident.

On a brighter note, part of North Korea's nuclear talks with the UN include detonating their nuclear weapons over Volga to eradicate the effects of batch 1028 and the subsequent zombie outbreak. Our lobbyists at the UN are really earning their worms this week!

We feel with these developments that not only will Batch 1028 be fully contained, but WormCo is doing their part to promote global harmony - not only above ground, but under as well.

UP FROM THE UNDERGROUND!!!!

Recall on Batch 1028

It has come to our attention that Batch 1028 of our Kentucky Grubs has been contaminated by some sort of alien substance. It seems that anyone consuming this batch will suddenly go inexplicably on the prowl for sexual contact, and then after said contact has reached it's fruition, will then kill the subject with whom physical contact has been initiated.

Unfortunately this is not the first time this has happened. The 1995 film "Species" was loosely based upon the WormCo Batch 530 incident of 1987. Fortunately for us here at WormCo we were able to contain the outbreak to only 3 FTK instances, all contained within the former Soviet Union. The term FTK has since been classified by the National Worm Council, so if you would like to learn more about FTK syndrome you will have to view the film "Species."


We have tracked the majority of Batch 1028 to a small town approximately 19 miles North of Durham, NC. If anyone from Bahama, NC approches you requesting "favors" of any sort - please do yourself and WormCo a favor and back away. Contact with the woman pictured should be avoided at all costs. We will have more updates on this story as it develops.

Scandal Rocks Caterpillar

As one of our spin-off companies, we have always kept an eye on Caterpillar. When they decided to exit the worm business in 1973 and focus solely on expanding into construction equipment, DaddyWorm and I knew they had made the right decision.

Ferdinand Wormpacker left WormCo in 1970 to open his own competing worm business, but the pure digging power of WormCo made it impossible for him to compete with us. He then diversified his offerings to digging equipment to try to compete with WormCo, but alas - our brand and savvy business innovation made it impossible for Caterpillar to compete. Caterpillar then became the successful earth-moving equipment maker you know today, which makes the news from this weekend all the more disturbing and senseless.

Just this weekend, we learned that Wormpacker was secretly stockpiling worms in the Cayman Islands to launch a surprise acquisition attempt of WormCo. Of course, Cayman Worm Laundering was made illegal by the Worm Accords of 1977 after the hostile takeover of Nightcrawler, Inc. by Bloodworm and Bloodworm, Ltd. The US Worm Bureau learned of Caterpillar's Worm Laundering on Saturday and will be levying over $2B in fines to punish them. This will almost surely affect their earth-moving equipment business as well.

The lesson to be learned is WormCo cannot and will not be stopped, especially not by one formerly of our employ. This, of course, will effectively end our relationship with Caterpillar and utilizing their dirt-digging equipment. Plans have been put in place to have a marketing campaign put together showing our spokesperson, Chuck Norris, digging up worms on a Komatsu bulldozer. Chuck Norris alone should be enough to strike fear in all of our competitors, but Norris on a Komatsu with WormCo behind him..... that's what we like to refer as total wormination.

Sianara, Caterpillar.

This sign was sent to us from one of our worm reps in Mississippi Mill, MS. While we appreciate the humor put forth by Zion Pentecostal Tabernacle Church, we'd like to point out that they would have to save the souls of close to 1/2 of the Earth's population to back that claim up! We never stop digging that dirt. The lucrative soil in this state yields almost 20.3B worms per capita, and in Mississippi alone, we dig an average of 2.87B holes every year.

We can't fault Zion Pentecostal for their lofty (no pun intended) goals - and we appreciate their zeal to strive to be the best at what they do. For this, we plan on donating 1000 of our finest Red Wigglers to Zion Pentecostal. Community relations are key to us here at WormCo - and we are confident Zion Pentacostal will soon be disciples of the WormCo way.

Up from the Underground!!!!

WormCo Announces Intent to Acquire SoilNet

October 10, 2006 - DIRT CITY, JALISCO, MEXICO

In an unprecendeted move to continue domination of the world worm market, WormCo announced today that they will be acquiring SoilNet, Inc. SoilNet is the leading producer of underground worm tunnels and a leader in soil excavation. The reported selling price for SoilNet is in the range of 6 Million Worm options.

WormCo's stock was up .89 worms a share, or 2.7% in early trading in the New York Worm Exchange. Dirty Sanchez (pictured above), CEO of SoilNet, was quoted as saying "Holy Sheet, I'm reech main, reeeech beyond my wildest dreams!!!!!"

BigWorm and DaddyWorm, co-founders of WormCo, were unavailable for comment, as they are currently in North Korea evaluating the new nuclear worm/Philip Seymour Hoffworm developments.

You are NEVER too Young for WormCo

What's that little fella? Worm stories? You betcha.

Here at WormCo we never stop thinking about Worms. As a matter of fact, I remember when I was just a stockboy at WormCo all those years ago. I was in charge of worms receivable at the time, and was paid a hefty salary of 27 worms a day! Heck, you translate that into present-day worms and that is almost 60 worms..... but the real money is in the worm options.

With our North Korea branch testing nuclear weapons underground (where the worms be at, as the kids say!) - the possibilities are endless. Excuse us all at WormCo while we just watch the worm options go "up from the underground", as DaddyWorm used to say after those long hours in W&D (Worms and Development). All that hard work, and countless hours of digging the dirt, are paying off for the employees, the investors, most importantly - the children like little Billy here who just LOVE WormCo.

Business is Great in Our Asia Pacific Branch!

Wow - things are looking up, up, UP in our Asian markets. In fact, our investors can't stop jumping for joy..... dancing.... pretty much every form of jubilation imaginable. Click the picture above for a video of one of our investors immediately after he viewed our 3rd quarter results!!

Welcome to WormCo!

Ever wondered where you were going in life? Ever had enough of that tired, boring old job you're in today? Well you have come to the right place my friend. Yes - we're WormCo.

WormCo - woof, woof!
WormCo- woof, woof!
Need a Shirt, Dig Some Dirt!
WormCo - WOOF, WOOF!!

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