It is with deep regret that WormCo will not be able to pay dividends to our Turkish shareholders this quarter. Due to a technical glitch in our Turkey office coupled with newly released Sarbanes-Oxley regulations we will not be issuing a dividend this quarter, and we here at WormCo understand this may be a problem. As you can see from the video of our spokespersons breaking the news to one of our big investors, this is not going over well. For those of you that don't speak Turkish, a transcript of the conversation from this video is here:
Cindy Wormsword "I'm sorry but we have some bad news for all of you that are big fans of WormCo here in Turkey"
Jim Cockswald (our shareholder, grey jacket) "Ah, yes it is fine, we understand that BigWorm and DaddyWorm will not be attending the Turkish festival in Istanbul this year due to travel restrictions."
Blake Wormsmith (dark blue suit and tie) "Actually Mr. Cockswald, WormCo will not be offering a dividend this quarter"
Jim Cockswald "WHAT?!? ........" translation ends here as it is not fit to print what Mr. Cockswald said after that.
We understand this is deeply disappointing for all of our Turkish investors, however we hope you will understand that to compensate you for this - every shareholder in Turkey will receive 2 cases of our finest Albanian Grubworms via DHL in the next 10 business days. As you can see once Mr. Cockswald found that out, his entire disposition changed. At the :43 second mark you can clearly hear Ms. Wormsword explaining the 2 free cases of worms to Mr. Cockswald and everyone appears to be back to feeling great about WormCo.
We strive to be the best Worm company in the world. Despite this minor setback, we are confident that our Turkish brethren will continue to DIG THAT DIRT. Up From the Underground!!!