MAGA!!!!!

A fond hello to our investors and shareholders - it's been awhile! We just wanted to pop in and say we have adopted a new slogan for our business that you have probably never heard before - MAGA! MONKEYS ARE GREAT AGAIN!!!!

As we continue to lead the multiverse in worm production and worm-related sundries, we wanted to give a shout out to the hardest working employees of them all at WormCo - the monkeys! We were looking for ways to expand our production and after the robots we mobilized killed a sizable portion of our workforce we nuked the robots from orbit and started over with a small army of monkeys! So far this new MAGA workforce is really helping us here at WormCo turn a profit. 

We also have a profit sharing service (see the video to learn more) and our newly rolled out MESPP (monkey employee stock purchase plan) alongside a generous banana-based pension plan and full monkey jockey benefits post retirement.

MAGA! GO WORMCO! NEED A SHIRT? DIG SOME DIRT!!

Coming Soon

A new WormCo, by the Worms, for the Worms, and of the Worms.  Never stop believing in the creed.  Need a shirt....... dig some dirt.

Never

Stop

Believing

Apologies to Our Turkish Shareholders

It is with deep regret that WormCo will not be able to pay dividends to our Turkish shareholders this quarter. Due to a technical glitch in our Turkey office coupled with newly released Sarbanes-Oxley regulations we will not be issuing a dividend this quarter, and we here at WormCo understand this may be a problem. As you can see from the video of our spokespersons breaking the news to one of our big investors, this is not going over well. For those of you that don't speak Turkish, a transcript of the conversation from this video is here:

Cindy Wormsword "I'm sorry but we have some bad news for all of you that are big fans of WormCo here in Turkey"
Jim Cockswald (our shareholder, grey jacket) "Ah, yes it is fine, we understand that BigWorm and DaddyWorm will not be attending the Turkish festival in Istanbul this year due to travel restrictions."
Blake Wormsmith (dark blue suit and tie) "Actually Mr. Cockswald, WormCo will not be offering a dividend this quarter"
Jim Cockswald "WHAT?!? ........" translation ends here as it is not fit to print what Mr. Cockswald said after that.



We understand this is deeply disappointing for all of our Turkish investors, however we hope you will understand that to compensate you for this - every shareholder in Turkey will receive 2 cases of our finest Albanian Grubworms via DHL in the next 10 business days. As you can see once Mr. Cockswald found that out, his entire disposition changed. At the :43 second mark you can clearly hear Ms. Wormsword explaining the 2 free cases of worms to Mr. Cockswald and everyone appears to be back to feeling great about WormCo.

We strive to be the best Worm company in the world. Despite this minor setback, we are confident that our Turkish brethren will continue to DIG THAT DIRT. Up From the Underground!!!

WormCo's Stance on US Healthcare

Hello folks. Normally we here at WormCo don't weigh in too heavily on political issues, but this one is really important to us. We already offer a great health care option at WormCo for all of our employees and worms, but the time has come for us to take a stance on this issue.

To us, This picture above completely sums up the debate on health care in the United States. Take a good long look at this picture.

To some, they will see two deadly predators - joined together to enact some sort of devious plan on us all. And wait, what is that - an explosion to boot? This must be bad. We hate it.

To others, they see two majestic creatures, joining forces at last to wreak awesomeness all over the world. They have caused an explosion of excellence to wash over all of us to last for centuries to come. We love it....

For us, health care is the explosion. The shark is our collective apprehension to change, and the gorilla represents a town hall meeting. Let's imagine a manatee off in the distance, gazing upon this awesomeness - and thinking to himself (or herself) 'Wow, that is awesome. how can I get me some of that?' And off in another direction, you would have a cheetah, thinking 'if shark and gorilla can get along, why can't we all?' The manatee and the cheetah are us my friends.... think about it... just .....think about it.

UP FROM THE UNDERGROUND!!!

Takin' What They Givin' Cause I'm Gruntin' 4 a Livin'

Good ole Gary. 'Course most of us around here know Gary as 'Worm Hunter Extraordinaire.' This seasoned Worm Grunter has been at it for close to 50 years with WormCo - he joined our team right after the Great Depression of 1960. Yes, we know most folks equate THE Great Depression to the crash of '29, but for us in the Worming Industry 1959 - 1961 were about as bad as it gets.

You see, different embargoes around Cuba had led to an increased military presence in the Southeastern United States, particularly Florida in the late 1950s. With all of this increased presence, our Worm Farming and Cultivation programs in worm-rich Florida had fallen upon tough times. WormCo, although we were suffering, understood that covert US operations in the area would have to take precedence over the 'pot o gold' of worms that live in the Florida soil. Heck, the now de-classified 'WITH CHEESE' operation which involved covert operations between top WormCo field operatives and the CIA is widely regarded as one of the top collaborations between a government agency and the private sector in US history.

WITH CHEESE - what was that you ask? Worms In The Heart, Commies Have Exited Each Sector Everywhere. That's right kids, without WormCo Nana wouldn't be living in that cozy retirement village near the Apalachicola Forest - but cleaning streets and speaking Ruskie.

Even after working closely with the government to keep out the commies, WormCo was in shambles financially after the Bay of Pigs incident had come and gone in 1961. Enter Gary - emerging from Tate's Hell like the Phoenix from the ashes. In his job interview, Gary told us 'If I'm a gruntin', them worms they a comin.' We sent our WormCo Research and Development team to check out Gary's claims - and sure enough - Gary was grunting worms out by the truckload.

And here we are, 50 years later - and Gary is finally getting his due as the best Worm Grunter in the United States. He had the title of best Worm Grunter in the world until he was upset by Vladmir Porokov in 2008 Worm Grunting Championships. There have been allegations of Porokov Worm Doping by the IWGC (International Worm Grunting Coalition) - but for now Gary will be waiting to reclaim that title in 2009.

Enjoy our video press release of Gary grunting gregariously and gracefully.

UP FROM THE UNDERGROUND!!!!

WormCo Tree Maintenance Team Spotted in Alabama

Hello fellow WormCo followers. We just wanted to make sure that all of you in the Mobile, Alabama area aren't too alarmed by the recent 'Leprechaun' sightings near Mobile, Alabama. These are, in fact, our WormCo Tree Maintenance Team.

We here at WormCo make a big deal out of digging in the dirt for worms, but as you know a great deal of worms live above ground in trees. Inchworms, web worms, tent caterpillars (technically not worms but we recently revamped our diversity policy) - can all be found in trees. This is why we have a highly competent Tree Maintenance Team, who we distinguish from the rest of our labor force by having them don Derby Hats.

This is where it gets interesting, or humorous if you're the good folk here at WormCo. It seems a group of vigilant neighborhood watchmen have spotted our Tree Team and have mistaken them for Leprechauns. Green? Check. Derby Hat? Check. Only problem is these are just WormCo employees and not a Leprechaun.

The local news has obtained an amateur drawing of one of our handsome WormCo employees doing his duties for our company. It can be seen below.


For a more comprehensive look at this hullabaloo our Tree Team has caused down there in Alabama you can click on the video below. Sorry folks, as much as we know that you want to know 'where the gold at' you'll have to wait until next St. Patrick's Day to see if a real Leprechaun comes along.



Up From The Underground!!!! Well, and just for today - Up In The Tree!!! ... as well.

Stimulus Worms for All.

We here at WormCo understand that these are challenging times. This is why we have proposed the WormCo stimulus package through one of our WormCo representatives on Capitol Hill. We hope that a couple free worms from us here at WormCo can keep you afloat. If not - good luck and don't forget to dig in the dirt to keep your heads above water.

Up from the underground......

BigWorm/DaddyWorm Campaign Stop Featuring SIXTH DISTRICT!!!

Hello fellow Worm Liberation Organization and Worm Liberation Party supporters. We'd just like to let all of you know how excited we are to have the mega popular SIXTH DISTRICT headlining our campaign stop tomorrow in Raleigh, North Carolina.

Since their breakout dance hit "Flip the Beach House Lawnmower" in 1997 Sixth District has been one of the most prolific electro/pop/death metal hybrid boy bands out there. They've been outspoken supporters of WormCo and the WLO/WLP for a long time and we're just grateful that they've decided to headline for the BigWorm/DaddyWorm World Domination campaign. It's even rumored that their song "Red on the Head, Skateboard Shred" was loosely based on their experiences with DaddyWorm in the early 90s prior to the formation of Sixth District.

Who knows, maybe Big Worm or Daddy Worm might even hop up to lay down some funky rhymes to inspire all of you to "Worm the Vote". And don't forget to dig your dirt tonight so that you get your free "BigWorm/DaddyWorm - Sixth District - UP IN YO MAMMA'S FACE!" signature t-shirt. We feel this campaign slogan will speak not only to our supporters, but also their loving mothers.

As agreed with Sixth District, we'd like to also allow them to promote their 6th studio album coming out on November 4th, titled "Sixth on 6th, Terrorizing Microphones/Exploding Panties" They'll be playing the first single from "Sixth on 6th" at our rally tomorrow - "Don't Swallow the Worm - Vote and/or Die" dedicated to BigWorm/DaddyWorm's historic run to the White House.

And don't forget to Vote and/or Die!

Up From the Underground!!

NObama. McCain't. WormCoPositronation.

Washington. Nevada. Arkansas. Maryland. Are they red states? No. Are they blue states? No. Green states all. GREEN STATES. The BigWorm/DaddyWorm ticket is picking up steam and you can be part of the WormCo revolution.

Ladies and Gentlemen....... can you feel it? The WormCo movement is growing. Put your ear to the tracks. Put your finger on the pulse. Remember the sizzle of Ryan's Steakhouse and Ryan's delicious soft serve desert bar? This is much more than that. But you have to go all in. You have to plop down that $6.99 of your soul to Jimmy the sweaty and mildly challenged young man in order to join the movement. That's the price my worm loving friends. But give in. Give yourself to total wormination and understand that WormCo = Unstoppable.

Are you hungry yet? Damn strait. WormCo is ready. Are you?

It is time. Time for Worm. Worm is good. Worm is ready, are you? Don't stop. Believin'. Ohhh whoa whaooooooooo....

No promises. No retreat. No surrender.

Soon. All we can say here at WormCo is soon. And right. And righteous. And soon-teous-right-ness. Come November you'll have a choice. And the choice will be and always shall remain.... WormCo.

Don't give up. Don't ever, ever... EVER give up.

DIG SOME DIRT.

Shirts for all '08.

UP FROM THE UNDERGROUND!!!!

Our Time is NOW! WormCo '08!!!

After several months of prodding by our shareholders, customers, employees, and yes - our fans - we have decided to enter this year's presidential race. Our platform will be on the newly formed Worm Liberation Party in conjunction with the WLO (Worm Liberation Organization.)

We here at WormCo realize that people and worms everywhere live their lives constrained to things like work, paying bills, and responsibility - and our campaign will be around liberating you from all of those day to day chores. How will we do it? WE DON'T KNOW! But the beauty of being a politician is you can make all the grandiose promises you want and follow up on few to none of them.

We'd like to thank the folks at Channel 3 news for getting the word out so quickly around our historic run for the presidency. It's been a long, hard road to this point and the going is only going to get tougher - but we'll be digging in the dirt to put a shirt on every red-blooded American!!!

Do you love poop? Well, you should.

Honestly, what have you done with your poop lately? Well, some resourceful kids in Aurora, Illinois (with a generous worm donation from WormCo, of course) are turning worm poop into sustainable renewable energy!!! Exxon will tremble, Shell will shudder, and OPEC will shrink in the unstoppable energy reserves we are building with WormCo technology.

As you can see from this article, our operative Ellie Colon is helping to farm tens of thousands of worms to sprinkle their unstoppable poop onto sugar beets to produce Ethanol. Sound complicated... well - it IS!! But with operatives such as Ms. Colon in place, we don't have to think - we just let the worms pinch one off and wait for the profits to roll in!! And come one... would a real person working on a poop project have the last name Colon? This is our little nod so all of you WormCo fans would know that she's actually working for us. Her actual name is Perth Wormington, VP of R&D at WormCo. Soon enough we'll be pumping out millions of gallons of Ethanol and laughing in the face of $4 gas.

We've actually proposed moving away from the unit of gallon for Worm-powered fuel and moving to the poop scale. Every liter of Ethanol will consist of 12 Cubic Turds. So in the near future, it won't be "I'll take 20 gallons Chet.....", it'll be "Hook me up with 278 Cubic Turds on the hurry Jed!!"

You may have heard, from time to time, the colloquialism "You think your poop don't stink." Well, we'd like to get folks thinkin' less about the stinkin' and more about all of the fantastic sustainable renewable energy floating up off that turd. And here at WormCo, we never EVER take a dump - we always give it!

UP FROM THE UNDERGROUND!!

The Worm is Back in Action!

One of our most esteemed alumni, THE Worm has decided to take a step back into the limelight. Dennis Rodman will be starring in what can only be prognosticated to be a surefire hit, The Minis. This charming film is a mix of sports nostalgia, drama, comedy - and perhaps..... love? This groundbreaking film is certain, in our humble opinion, to be a surefire Oscar contender come early next year.

The plot vehicle behind The Minis that will no doubt stretch The Worm's abilities as an thespian and a master athlete, involves him as a coach of a basketball team comprised solely of midgets. Now, we've only seen previews here at WormCo, but we're pretty sure if you throw in monkeys to this film and it might be the highest grossing film of the year. If you make the monkeys be the cheerleaders for this basketball team - perhaps calling them the Mighty Mini Monkeys? We're talking highest grossing film this decade. Finally, and we're not suggesting any changes to this cinematic masterpiece, but if the monkeys just happen to be moonlighting as monkey jockeys at the dog track...... this could be the highest grossing film of all time.

It's always nice to see The Worm doing something not only for the arts, but also for the community. Midget basketball and monkey jockeys have been highly under appreciated for far too long and it's about time Hollywood stepped up to the plate.

Up From the Underground!!

New WormCo Partner Marketing Agreement Reached with Gatorade

In furthering our WormCo resurrection initiative, we have partnered with Gatorade for their innovative SuperBowl XLII commercial. The feedback on this ad has people saying things like "this must be some kind of inside joke." Well loyal WormCo followers, the joke is on the over 95 million viewers who just got served up with a healthy helping of subliminal advertising from WormCo.

Check out our signature "WormCo Sound" at the 29 second mark of the ad posted above! Luckily for us, Gatorade footed the $3.2 Million for the ad space. WormCo's commitment in the co-marketing agreement was to keep employees in our heartworm division from visiting Rocky (the star of the commercial) for the remainder of his life. A win-win for everyone involved!

Up from the underground!!!

On The Recruitment Trail

WormCo.
Woof woof
Worm Co.
Woof woof
Need a shirt?
Dig some dirt!
WormCo
Woof WOOF!

A WormCo resurrection is coming.... are you ready?

Just In for Summer '07 - Baby Fashion!

Have you ever wondered how you can make your ugly baby cute? Have you ever wondered what will make your stinky baby smell like a cornucopia of potpourri? Is the fact that all the other babies in your baby's nursery hate him or her keeping you awake at night?

Well friends, look no further than our Smashing Summer '07 WormCo Fashion for Babies line of clothing. These threads are spun by our armada of silkworms from our booming China division. Once we collect the raw materials, we whisk them off to our non-sweatshop factory to be manufactured into the lovely garments you see pictured above. In fact, young Nathan here has already potty trained himself and begun work on a thesis of the economical impact of social reform in pan-Adriatic cultures since he became a customer. And what has your baby produced today? Drool.

You can be assured that no one under the age of 7 works in our Chinese baby clothing plant, and we have the number of weekly hours capped at 97.5! Compare that with Babies "R" Us, who actually derived their name from a toddler-run factory in Malaysia, where they have children as young as 4 months toiling away to provide you with non-WormCo quality merchandise at grossly inflated prices.

But wait.... there's more! Our WormCo line of baby clothing is disrespectful to dirt! Sure, WormCo deals in buying and selling of dirt every day.... but goodness knows you don't want it on your baby.

Ugly, stinky, rogue babies rejoice! Your time has come and your company.... is WormCo.

Up from the Underground!!!

Worms > Fleas

Hi Folks. One of our field sales reps from the Montgomery Office let us know that the competition is "talking smack" and trying to pass off a Flea Market to drive out WormCo in this worm-rich area. Despite this person's sweet worm-colored outfit that he showcases during his time of "breaking it down" this type of practice will not be tolerated.

Visit the Worm Market a couple of miles down on 2nd street, right next to Uncle Earl's Broasted Chicken Shack. We know you won't be disappointed.

In fact, mention that you came to the Worm Market instead of the Flea Market, and we'll give you 2 batches of Meal Worms for free. We appreciate your business, and want you to remember one of the tenets of our corporation:

Don't bother going to market to buy a flea
When you can get 2 batches of Meal Worm for free!

The above statement is trademarked and unconditional property of Worco, LLC.

The fact that the above sentence rhymes with the slogan above it is mere coincidence.

Don't Mess With Worms

This is a video smuggled from our Japanese branch. Our translators here at WormCo have worked diligently to properly translate this to all of our loyal customers our there.

You see, these two fellows in the video were quite insolent to the worms, and they definitely escaped serious consequences by the skins of their teeth.

Luckily, cooler worm heads prevailed and no one was injured.

As you can see, our Japanese branch is rather particular about us posting videos directly to the WormCo homepage. You will need to double click the video link above to watch it.

Up from the underground!!

Our Condolences to Kid Rock

WormCo would like to extend our deepest condolences to one of our most famous ex-employees, Kid Rock. It seems that Kid is being divorced by his wife, Pamela Anderson.

Most pop-culturalists will tell you that Kid Rock got his name from his rock-n-roll lifestyle, but those of us close to Kid know that his name goes much deeper than that. Kid Rock was in fact just a kid that turned over rocks for us here at WormCo - and was the youngest employee ever promoted to Head Digger at our Detroit branch.

Unfortunately we had to let Kid go in 1987 after he was caught peddling illegal Colombian "white pony" Worms outside of a Detroit nightclub. If there is one thing we don't tolerate at WormCo, it is the sale or purchase of any wormcotics by our employees. Kid was able to bounce back, however - and his mix of rock and rap was able to nearly replace his income that he made working for WormCo.

You won't hear this on other sites regarding Kid, but he called one of our Worm Relations staff last night and spilled the worms on what actually is causing the divorce. Kid Rock had a pet worm that he kept out in the shed behind the couple's Malibu home. When Anderson discovered that Kid had named the 24" Giant Palouse Earthworm Tommy Lee, she ran out of the house screaming something to the effect of "Tommy Lee, I love you lover!!!" This clearly had something to do with Anderson's first marriage to drummer Tommy Lee of Motley Crue - but we here at WormCo aren't exactly sure what to make of the incident.

One thing is sure - if you decide to compare your worm to your wife's ex-husband, you'd better make darn sure that your worm measures up.

Good luck, Kid Rock - here's to hoping life's mother-worm-load is under the next rock you turn.

A time to give thanks...... for worms

Greetings to all in the WormCo family. This time of year, when most are looking forward to that succulent, 7% "I'm not sure what that solution is" turkey - those of us at WormCo are thankful to have so many wonderful employees, customers, and wormholders. That's why we've chosen to announce that each employee of WormCo will receive a complimentary "WormGiving" bonus of 40 mealworms. That's right! Mealworms!

As most of you will recall, WormCo launched the "Meal time? Worms? Eat Mealworms!" campaign in the mid 60s and now we are looking to bring mealworms back into the limelight. Mealworms offer 63% more protein and 4% of the calories of turkey - so why not just toss that ole dirty bird aside and eat your 40 mealworms on Thanksgiving day?

We understand it may be a break from tradition, but what would have happened if the Indians had never left their tents to join the Pilgrims for a bite? What would have happened if that 70s club owner in New York had never pasted 682 mirrors on a ball? What would have happened if Chuck Norris had chosen not to that worming demo at March AFB in California?

This WormGiving, as we say here at WormCo - enjoy your friends. Enjoy your families. Heck, even enjoy your 24 oz can of Steel Reserve. But most of all, my fellow wormtreprenuers, enjoy your worms.

WormCo Recall Update

We have recovered some footage of some of the victims of tainted batch 1028, and unfortunately the results are not pretty. A resident of the town of Volga, NM sent in the clip linked in the picture to the right.

Unfortunately after the FTK Syndrome phase wears off, the affected persons turn into zombies and dance in unison. As you can see from this article zombies are the last thing we want to promote here at WormCo. This is a complete embarrassment and we sincerely apologize to the residents of Volga for this incident.

On a brighter note, part of North Korea's nuclear talks with the UN include detonating their nuclear weapons over Volga to eradicate the effects of batch 1028 and the subsequent zombie outbreak. Our lobbyists at the UN are really earning their worms this week!

We feel with these developments that not only will Batch 1028 be fully contained, but WormCo is doing their part to promote global harmony - not only above ground, but under as well.

UP FROM THE UNDERGROUND!!!!