As one of our spin-off companies, we have always kept an eye on Caterpillar. When they decided to exit the worm business in 1973 and focus solely on expanding into construction equipment, DaddyWorm and I knew they had made the right decision.
Ferdinand Wormpacker left WormCo in 1970 to open his own competing worm business, but the pure digging power of WormCo made it impossible for him to compete with us. He then diversified his offerings to digging equipment to try to compete with WormCo, but alas - our brand and savvy business innovation made it impossible for Caterpillar to compete. Caterpillar then became the successful earth-moving equipment maker you know today, which makes the news from this weekend all the more disturbing and senseless.
Just this weekend, we learned that Wormpacker was secretly stockpiling worms in the Cayman Islands to launch a surprise acquisition attempt of WormCo. Of course, Cayman Worm Laundering was made illegal by the Worm Accords of 1977 after the hostile takeover of Nightcrawler, Inc. by Bloodworm and Bloodworm, Ltd. The US Worm Bureau learned of Caterpillar's Worm Laundering on Saturday and will be levying over $2B in fines to punish them. This will almost surely affect their earth-moving equipment business as well.
The lesson to be learned is WormCo cannot and will not be stopped, especially not by one formerly of our employ. This, of course, will effectively end our relationship with Caterpillar and utilizing their dirt-digging equipment. Plans have been put in place to have a marketing campaign put together showing our spokesperson, Chuck Norris, digging up worms on a Komatsu bulldozer. Chuck Norris alone should be enough to strike fear in all of our competitors, but Norris on a Komatsu with WormCo behind him..... that's what we like to refer as total wormination.
Sianara, Caterpillar.
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